


Lost in the Battle

by Snowy_Cas



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s01e10 The Moment of Truth, M/M, Will is technically a character?, he dead tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:40:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26638231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowy_Cas/pseuds/Snowy_Cas
Summary: There wasn't a smile in sight today. The heat of the fire hardly combatted against the bitter winds of the afternoon and soon soft snowflakes began to drift to the ground, mixing amongst the ashes. Whether Merlin's face was pink from the cold or from crying, no one knew. No one asked. The prince of Camelot stood at his side in silence. Together they watched the pyre burn without so much as a glance to one another.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Will (Merlin)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 80





	Lost in the Battle

The villagers of Ealdor gathered around the burning pyre and a charred smell spread through the clearing. Ashes danced all around, flames licked at the lone body and smoke rose high into the air causing a strange feeling of despair. They fought the battle courageously and won, and even if a little help was needed, Ealdor was safe once more. Enough food was recovered that it guaranteed well fed villagers through at least the spring. Compared to what was most likely to happen, there were surprisingly few casualties during the battle. Nearly everyone made it out alive, and although many were wounded, it was nothing too serious. This was a victory to be proud of, so why did it feel so hollow?

Will was never the most popular fellow around. Ask anyone in Ealdor and they'd tell you he was a troublemaker, that he seemed to cause problems when none where there to begin with and generally felt like an outsider amongst the others. Old man Simmons especially had a wild tale or two to tell of Will's youth. Of course as Will grew older, many of his mischievous ways died down, but recently he adopted the habit of slinking in the shadows during social events and only speaking out when it was to dismiss something someone else said. If he used to be disagreeable, he had turned downright bitter. This change seemed to start around the time his best friend Merlin abandoned them and left for a new life in Camelot. 

Merlin. That must've been it, why the battle was won, but if felt as if something greater was lost. If Merlin hadn't been there, then needless to say Ealdor would've mourned the loss of one of their own, but it would've been overlooked due to the success of the day. Something about the way Merlin stood there, gazing into the hot embers with a lost look in his eyes affected everyone around him. Merlin and Will were always close, ever since they were kids and would climb on the rooftops to pelt others with pieces of stale bread and grains of rice. As teenagers they were constantly together, from eating to walking to chatting and playing, only separable when the sun set and they both went home for the night, but there were times when even that didn't stop them. Will never laughed anywhere else like he did with Merlin, and vise versa. In the village they were noisy, rambunctious, and, well, annoying, but they were so happy when they were with one another that sometimes the village elders would smile in spite of themselves.

There wasn't a smile in sight today. The heat of the fire hardly combatted against the bitter winds of the afternoon and soon soft snowflakes began to drift to the ground, mixing amongst the ashes. Whether Merlin's face was pink from the cold or from crying, no one knew. No one asked. The prince of Camelot stood at his side in silence. Together they watched the pyre burn without so much as a glance to one another.

The silence was finally broken by Arthur. "I'm sorry," he said, not looking away from the fire. "I know he was a close friend."

Merlin corrected, "He still is."

"You knew he was a sorcerer, didn't you. That's what you were going to tell me." Arthur spoke in a stern voice. Merlin couldn't look at Arthur and lie to him about Will like that. Will wasn't a sorcerer, he didn't have magic, he was just an ordinary boy. The only thing about Will that got him into this situation was that he was loyal to Merlin to a fault. 

But Merlin had to lie. Will spent his last moments protecting his friend and telling Arthur now would undo all that, making Will's actions worthless. He would lie, but he wouldn't do it to Arthur's face. Eyes unmoving, Merlin responded, "Yes. It was."

"You know how dangerous magic is," Arthur said, turning his head in Merlin's direction. "You shouldn't have kept this from me, Merlin." He began to walk away only to be stopped by a hand on his shoulder. The prince turned around to see his servant now directly facing him. Never before had Arthur seen so much pain and devastation in one man's face. Merlin's eyes were red and filled with tears, his bottom lip trembled, and he seemed to be on the brink of collapsing. 

He opened and closed his mouth a few times before managing to croak a few words. "How can you say that?" Merlin asked, his voice no more than a whisper. 

Arthur looked confused. He responded, "What do you mean? You've seen the things magic can do, you and I have both suffered from it before. There's a reason we have laws against it in Camelot." Merlin just shook his head.

"No, he exhaled a shaky breath, "how can you say that right now?" The tears building up in Merlin's eyes threatened to spill over. "He was my friend, and he's _burning._ Right there, right in front of me. I am trying to mourn him and you think this is a good time to tell me he was _dangerous_? What do you think's gonna happen, he's going to stand up and curse you?" Merlin was shouting now. The people of Ealdor began looking about themselves, alarmed, but Hunith just watched in sadness. 

Arthur placed a hand out in front of him and defended, "Look, I'm sorry, but he was a magic user. You most likely didn't know him as well as you thought you di-"

"Oh and you did? You knew everything about him, that he was this, what, this corrupt sorcerer? Is that it?" Merlin snapped.

The servant clearly didn't notice, or just didn't care, about the people around them, so Arthur took control of the situation. He grabbed Merlin's wrist. "Merlin, settle down. Come on, let's go somewhere we won't disturb everyone's grieving."

Merlin began to protest and pull back but Arthur was stronger than him and dragged him off to the woods, out of sight from the rest of Ealdor. The snow was falling heavier now and the currents of bitter air grew stronger. Twigs and dead leaves crunched under their feet as they marched deeper into the forest, finally stopping beneath a bare oak tree with spindly branches. When they stopped they were both breathing heavily, filling the air with white puffs. At this point Merlin could no longer hold back his tears. With a choked cry they started streaming down his face. He stepped back and leaned against the rough bark, his whole body shaking. 

Arthur wasn't quite sure what to do. He hadn't seen anyone express this much emotion freely in a long time, and he himself always managed to stay composed no matter what internal struggle he was facing. His father always taught him that tears were a sign of weakness in men. In fact, Arthur couldn't remember the last time he himself had cried. With no other way to comfort him in mind, Arthur awkwardly patted Merlin's shoulder, who instantly jerked away.

"Stop, just stop it," he shivered. Arthur was hurt by the gesture and slowly pulled his hand back. Merlin got up from the tree and started to rant. "You don't understand, you can't. You've never had to go through this before. When have you lost someone this close to you? I can't... I just can't, alright? He's gone. He's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. He was my best friend Arthur, and so much more, I-" he paused for a moment to catch his breath. The tears hadn't stopped coming.

"Merlin," Arthur spoke gently. "I've lost friends before and I've dealt with grief. I know this is hard for you, but-"

"I loved him, Arthur!" Merlin wailed erratically. The prince froze. _Oh_. "Gods, I loved him so _much_ and I never told him, I never, I..." he faltered, then completely broke down.

To Arthur it sounded more like screaming than crying. The sound alone began to distress him as well. He felt tears spring to his eyes. Merlin looked so small and scared and alone. The wind tore through his hair and clothes. Even Arthur in his armor felt like he would freeze. Snow swirled around them in flurries, stinging their eyes. Arthur stepped towards Merlin and took ahold of him by both shoulders. 

Merlin tried shoving him away and yelled, "No!" Arthur didn't say anything. He only held on tighter and drew Merlin closer in. Merlin continued to shout and tug and cry. The forest was filled with sounds of despair. The grief coming from Merlin was overwhelming. He punched at Arthur's chest, over and over again and just sobbed. With every hit Merlin grew weaker. His yells quieted. He stopped pulling. Arthur wrapped his arms around Merlin and the two of them collapsed to the ground. 

Arthur held on to Merlin tighter than he'd ever held anything in his life, feeling the servant's body wracking with sobs and wanting nothing more than to comfort him. Merlin nearly couldn't breath anymore but forced out a few gasps as Arthur began stroking his hair slowly and gently shushed him. They were close enough to feel each other's heartbeats. Arthur's was slow and even. It showed no signs of quickened. He was calm, but Merlin's started out beating almost too quickly. His gasps kept coming, each as ragged as the last, until Arthur pulled away from Merlin to look at him and place a soft hand on the side of his face.

'Shhhh, slow down. It's okay, it's all going to be okay," he murmured as his thumb gently brushed Merlin's cheekbone. They were both crying now, though Merlin seemed to be past the worst of it. After a few moments their heartbeats were in sync. Arthur leaned in once more and rested his forehead against Merlin's. He squeezed his eyes shut and let his tears fall. Merlin clung on to the back of the prince's neck and the two sat there on the snowy ground, the only sound being their breathing.

The wind died down and was now a soft breeze. It had stopped snowing, though delicate snowflakes still clung to the boys' hair. Around them the forest glittered. Birds were chirping and flitting through the sky, a few lone leaves bristled against each other, and rays of the sun peeked out from behind dark clouds. Beauty surrounded Merlin and Arthur from all sides, but neither of them payed it any mind. For them, the most beautiful thing was the feeling of being in one another's arms and feeling safe and content in the world. 


End file.
